abnormal

I am very abnormal. I was offered a job for more money at a better place for more hours today, but I really don't want to take it. Why? who on earth would want to work at Sobeys. ... I guess, me, would be the answer. I am afraid of almost everything, and I dislike change. I just try to exist with as little struggle as possible. I hate work, and the reason I hate it is because it's unpredictable. But now Sobeys is predictable and I want to stay there. I am comfortable, and I have enough money, and I have some friends there. But the person who offered me the job is going to be pissed.

Today was one of those days that, if suicide wasn't a mortal sin, I would totally drive my car into the lake or jump off Brock tower or something. Wow I hate my life right now. What an ungrateful bastard I am.

I'm Not Sick But I'm Not Well

I actually found a song with meaningful lyrics and here they are. The song is by Harvey Danger, and the song is called "Flagpole Sitta". I like it because it reminds me of Total Depravity and that inside we really are pretty fucked up. I also think it's interesting about how he sings he's in Hell just in this life. I feel like that all the time. Lots of the lyrics are just stupid punk crap, but some of them are really good.

I had, I was in them
I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rottenness and evil in me

Fingertips have memories
Mine can't forget the curves of your body
And when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes(but no one ever does)

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretons cloning and feeding
And I don't even own a tv
Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, goddamn you

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause i'm in hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live so well

I wanna publish zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial sublime

I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind

Paranoia paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
Just say you never met me
Im running under ground with the moles(Diggin big holes)
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live so well

I love the lyric "and it's a sin to live so well" I feel like that all the time. Last night I was thinking, today 28 000 children starved to death, probably almost a hundred thousand people died, and I'm still alive. How utterly ungrateful. There either is a profoundly important reason we're all alive, each of us, or the world really is going to Hell in a handbasket.