3am Movie

I awoke at 3am thinking initially it was much later. My body was awake and I had a terrible taste in my mouth. So I threw on pajamas and walked downstairs to get a glass of orange juice. I felt a little better. I was bored so I poured myself a bowl of cherios and went into the loft. I watched a scene of the movie Falling Down with Michael Douglas. It is a funny / good movie, but I really wasn't in the mood. There's alot of porn on at 3am even on normal channels but it didn't seem right to watch, as in a few hours I'd be standing at the front of a Church ready to be 'accepted' (whatever that means)..

So I turned on the movie American Beauty as it was still near the beginning. I'd never seen it before, I just knew that I wasn't allowed to watch it as a kid because it had nakedness - the most shameful and affronting thing to God known to humankind. But I knew it'd be edited for Tv, so it'd be a good choice.

I figured I'd drift off to sleep as I watched it because it was 3am after all and Kevin Spacey is the most boring guy in the world. But as it turned out I became enthralled with it, and I really started to get into the story. It won oscars for a reason apparently, and really showed a funny glimpse of American life. I feel most like the dad in that movie, I don't know why really, but I think it is his brutal honesty and the fact that he never hurts anyone and is generally a weak character.

I was even shocked by the ending and the whole theme of latent homosexuality in homophobics, and about the fact that life should never be normal. There was a repeated line in the movie, 'the worst thing in the world is to be ordinary'. hmm. I'm not sure I've had enough time to reflect on the philosophy of that statement, so I won't make a judgment call yet.

There was a scene where this loser guy goes to the girl's (who is supposed to be loser-ish but I thought she was really quite attractive) house and says 'if I told you I had to leave tonight would you come with me' and it was amazing how a person's heart stirs at that sort of thing. There is something so absolutely alluring about just running away from all of our problems and going somewhere on a whim. It resonates with the soul.

In any case, I'm still sitting hare at 6:35 in the loft thinking about the movie which was really well done, and thinking about what my life should be like. In world religions we heard a quote from a Rabbi named Josiah who said "When I die, God will not say to me, "Why weren't you Moses?". He will say to me, "Why weren't you, Josiah?"'.

.... (these dot dot dots are here to imply time for reflection)

I thought it was a very poignant lesson which tied in with the movie. It's one of those times that you know is significant even if you can't exactly say why or how.