Lost Friend

I've had to say goodbye to Old Friends alot. England was terrible for that, constantly saying goodbye to people I loved immensely. I don't miss that part at all (plus I still kind of live it). ....this is going to sound so gay.... oh well, maybe it will garner some attention then....Today I went through my facebook friends and I found a guy I'd been friends with in Grade School. We had a ton of fun. He was one of those people that you just really want to be around and try really hard to impress or just hang out with as much as possible. We went to different high schools though so we never saw each other much after that. And in all honesty if I was as big a dick back then as I am now I can see why most people would happily say goodbye to me.

But man I missed him today. Like if I could do anything tonight it would be just to go to his place and have coffee and talk about life. I really want to catch up and try to restore things. I know it's idiotic as I haven't known the guy for about 6 years. But today I was basking in the infinite sadness of losing a friend. I'll probably never get to know him again, I know tragic things have happened in his life that I wasn't there for. I didn't help him through any of it. I mean I wasn't really obligated as I hadn't seen him in years, but I wish I could have, I should have done something.

I sent him a facebook message today, I've tried it before and he never responded. It figures really. Happens alot to me. If I got a creepily personal message from someone at 4am that I hadn't seen in months or years, I'd be scared too. Actually let me correct that - a normal person would be scared. I would almost cry with joy that someone was thinking of me at 4am.

I have barely enough faith for myself right now but I'm going to pray for him, and maybe in some infinitely small way I could help him. Man if God were really my dad I would just ask him if he could arrange something between us (now I'm really starting to sound Gay).

God I miss that guy, and the worst part is that it seems like nothing could ever fix things. It's not like anything terrible transpired it was just time and distance, but I'm starting to see that a broken friendship is a terrible thing. It's so bad that it almost makes it not worth having friends.

Albert Schweitzer once said "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory". In some ways I think he is right in that happiness is fleeting and most of life sucks but we just have to move on. Maybe I should just take his advice, I meant he won the Nobel Peace prize....but he was also a Lutheran... damn I wish I was a Lutheran...